*this is especially important: these days on Tumblr there’s a wonderful atmosphere of being able to talk openly about your mental illness or your struggle. And that’s great! But there’s a difference between sharing in order to help yourself and other people and sharing just because you have no other coping mechanisms. As much as you’re able, try to work on developing a different outlet. People aren’t qualified to be your therapist because they’re nice to you a couple of times. Please remember that they have lives too, and their job is not to make you feel better or pity you, no matter how difficult your life is.
And last but not least:
But…
I really don’t have a way to better this.
Your interests are your own. I can’t advise anyone to change their interests to fit in with a certain group of people – that’s stupid, and actually quite damaging to your sense of self.
Instead, I would recommend that, maybe if you feel like your topics of conversation are falling flat with this group of people, you move on to other, greener pastures. There are bound to be places where your ideas mesh better with an audience.
And of course – try to be considerate about what you say and how you say it.
Sometimes, what might seem like a harmless comment to you might be a very discomforting thought to another person. I recently had a conversation on a forum with a guy who was telling me that his headcanon was that Pearl (from SU) would soon get a male love interest who loved mechanics and weapons next, and that would be her best arc, because she would finally get a ‘healthy’ love interest.
His intentions were good, but he was entirely unaware of how cringey this kind of thing was to a bunch of (probably queer) people, who have spent their entire lives being told that the only ‘good’ character development for them would be to get a ‘male love interest’. No one wanted to be the jerk to say “fuck off, we don’t want that to happen” but everyone was answering him in a flat way, trying to discourage the discussion further. Instead of picking up on the hint, he bulldozed on, thinking he was having a ‘lively conversation’ which was, in fact, in its late stages of death.
I know I’ll probably get a few messages to this saying: What about people on the Autistic Spectrum? Sometimes, people can’t pick up social cues or ‘hints’. And if that’s the case, it’s incredibly difficult to understand why you’re not having any luck communicating despite your best efforts.
I feel that on a person level, please believe me. I made this infograph for THAT VERY REASON. Because I WAS that awkward kid who didn’t pick up on hints well. In fact, I still have trouble talking to people. If any of you have had the misfortune of being my conversational partner, you’ll know that I tend to be overly blunt and come off as very unfriendly. It’s something that I, myself, am working on currently in order to grow into a better person. It’s a struggle in progress, but I am aiming towards the progress side, and I just wanted to help out others while I was at it.
Have you ever been listening to Rainymood and thought, “Yeah, this is good … but it would be nice if I could customize the sound more, or if there was a little more choice.
MyNoise is a customizable sounscape looper with so many options, even within each soundscape. So say, for instance, you really love rain sounds when you write or study or relax. Anything. I know I’m a big fan of rain sounds. They have a page for that.
But say you like really high, pattery rain, and LOTS of low thunder. Here’s where MyNoise really stands out: you can customize that. See those sliders with all the cute colors? That is your equalizer. You can adjust the levels based on what you want to hear more and less of. Here’s how it looks when you want high, pattery rain and low, rumbly thunder:
But say rain isn’t really your jam. Say you want something a little more ambient, a little more background noise-y. Something with people. Well, they have customizable coffee house chatter that even has the levels listed for things like “kitchen,” “babble,” and “table”:
Or say you miss the ocean.
Or say you miss your cat.
Or say you miss your spaceship.
Or say you miss the dungeon where you and your team of scalawag adventurers used to explore and face off against, say, dragons. In the dungeon.
This site is seriously so helpful, and those are just a fraction of every kind of sounscape the site has to offer. The best part is that if you want to layer it with music (for instance, I’ll layer a playlist + rain + coffee shop if the scene I’m writing takes place in a coffee shop), you can adjust the master volume, meaning all of your layers stay at their respective volumes, just louder or quieter.
Enjoy!
OH MY GOD
Y’ALL I JUST STARTED USING THIS TODAY BUT THIS HAS BROKEN THROUGH MY WRITER’S BLOCK LIKE NOTHING ELSE.
TRY IT. USE IT. LOVE IT.
I have tinnitus ranging from just-there to unbearably-loud (particularly when I’m trying to sleep) and this site probably saved my life (I have no clue how I’d cope without it when it’s bad). It’s brilliant even when my tinnitus is just-there, for setting scenes writing, or for tuning out the noisy building site across from my home, and I can’t recommend it enough. I support the site when I can, because I really owe the guy behind it so much. Try it out, and, if you like it, donate a bit of money if you can; it helps the site stay running!
This is one of my favourite things to listen to when I study!
this is one of my
favourite things to listen
to when i study
^Haiku^bot^9. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes.
Your murder won’t last forever ^_^ | PayPal | Patreon
As someone that has grown up surrounded by beaches and done surf life saving, I know how the sea works. Lots of people dont. Every summer multiple tourists die here because they don’t respect the sea, if you’re going to the coast, here’s a thing I saw on Facebook.
you know those posts that are like, “remember when we used to read books and now we all have no attention span because of the internet.” then there’s the very contrived advice that’s like, “if you want to be a writer you have to read”??
well i think they’re completely true but they also really suck, and we of the youngish adult writers of 2018 have it pretty hard, especially those of us in fandom who enjoy reading fanfic more than original fic because it’s mostly tagged properly and possesses the emotional catharsis we’re looking for, pretty much guaranteed.
that said, i think it’s really important – whether you write fanfic, ofic, or both – to read traditionally published work, in part because it can help better inform your fanfic, but also because it will help develop your writing overall. and if you’re interested in ofic, it’s pretty much a necessity to read.
so, i just graduated from an MFA program in creative writing, and contrary to popular opinion, the MFA does not actually teach you how to write. it gives you space to write, and mostly, it teaches you how to read as a writer.
so here is everything i’ve learned about reading as a writer over the past two years:
you do not have to read anything you don’t want to read
part of the problem with “read everything you can!” advice is that there is a lot of stuff out there, and a ton of it doesn’t jive with your interests. moreover, there’s a kind of pressure to read the Classics just to say you’ve read them when in fact a lot of them are boring, irrelevant, and dare i say overrated. so here is me giving you permission: you don’t have to pick up Hemingway or Faulkner or whoever else to be a good writer. life is too short to force yourself to read dead white dudes.
if a book doesn’t grab you by the first 10%, put it down
this is what has helped me more than anything else as a reader, because i found i would commit myself to a boring book and then never want to read it, so i would stop reading for months at a time. so, when you pick out a book, go to the last page and check the number. promise yourself you’ll read 10% of the book. 400 pages? read to page 40 and ask yourself, “do i really want to turn the page? if i put this book down, would i want to pick it back up again later?” if the answer is no, return it to the library or wherever you got it. try the next book in your pile. your TBR list is long; be merciless.
but if you want to make it look like you read the book…
commit to 25%. then go to the wikipedia article, read the plot summary, and fast forward to the last 10-15 pages. bam. you’ve more or less read the book. bonus points if you watch the movie, too. so if you’re really committed to reading Ulysses or whatever but you don’t want to slog through it, you can digest enough to be able to hold a conversation about it in a few hours and move on with your life. you can even pretend you enjoyed it and found it a formative reading experience that helped shape your understanding of the work of fiction, really, absolutely groundbreaking, etc etc. this is especially helpful if you find yourself anywhere in the literary sphere because other writers will expect you to be familiar with the canon.
read selfishly and take tools from everything you read
when you read anything, even the stuff you don’t like, ask yourself, “what tools can i take for my own writing?” let’s say you really love the plot structure – write it down somewhere so you remember to try it out for your own story. if you love the lyricism of the sentences, find a few sentences you really like and jot them down by hand, inspect what about them makes you love them so much. steal aspects of characters you admire, pacing, conflict, stakes. steal as much as you can without stealing the words themselves. you can even use this for things you don’t like by rephrasing the question: “what is it about this story i would like to avoid in my own work?” pivot every single thing you read to be about you and your writing. take notes. mark up and highlight your book if you have to. reading as a writer is not a passive activity but an active one. you’re not being entertained, you’re learning. so let published works teach you.
carve time out of your day to read
at 7pm every day, i put my phone down and pick up an actual physical book. this is my personal preference – i have no beef at all with ebooks, but honestly, i get so tired of staring at lit screens all day, and paper books without the distraction of my phone is such a nostalgic feeling for me, back when i was 14 and the library was my second home and if someone wanted my attention they had to call me on a landline. if you had the same upbringing, dedicating some time to read a physical book will do you wonders. if ebooks are your thing, it’s still important to schedule reading time for yourself, not as an obligation to uphold, but as something to do that’s good for you and that you enjoy.
write letters to your favorite authors!!
seriously. if you love a book, let the author know. they will not be annoyed or upset. they will be thrilled. it’s a good way to network with other writers, and it’s a great practice of literary citizenship.
when someone recommends a book to you, ask why
this is something i’ve only recently learned to do, as someone who gets book recommendations pretty much constantly. if the person knows you decently, i don’t think it’s out of line to ask, “what would i specifically like about this?” because then that will tell if you if the person is only recommending it because they like it, not because they think you’ll like it. if the person knows your writing, it’s fair to ask, “how is this book in conversation with my work?” so you have a head start in the kinds of tools you’ll want to take from it.
follow your aesthetic instincts
as a writer, honing your aesthetic will always be one of your highest aims, which means constantly seeking out writers whose aesthetics you admire and analyzing what it is you admire about it. “aesthetic” is kind of a vague term, but it refers to your overall vibe – the things you write about and why you write about them. my aesthetic is more or less “midwestern class warfare meets sexual identity crises with a lot of dark humor,” so i tend to look for other writers who share facets of that aesthetic and i inspect what’s working for them, where they publish, what their influences are, etc. i try to read both within my aesthetic but also far outside of it too. for example, i love historical fiction but i know i’ll never, ever write it. but i appreciate the aesthetic, and i can take tools from it like dedication to detail, internal conflicts, etc.
read short fiction (please)
this is my personal plea. short stories are a great way to find authors whose work is in conversation with yours, so that you can then go check out their novels with a good idea already of what you like about them. short stories are all over the internet via literary and genre mags. they’re a much smaller commitment than novels and tend to have just as much emotional impact (if done well) as novels. more importantly you’ll always have recs for your friends, and it’s a lot easier getting someone to read a 6k story you enjoyed than a 60k novel.
resources
don’t have time to read but like to listen? try the new yorker fiction and writers’ voice podcasts
like marking up books but don’t want to buy them new? check out thriftbooks (my favorite site on the internet – the link here will get you 15% off!)
want to stay apprised of the goings on in the modern literary community? subscribe to the lithub newsletter and arts & letters daily, two newsletters i’ve been subscribed to for years
as always i’m glad to answer any questions! happy reading!
I’ll never forget that one time I was talking to this boy and I rejected him (mind you I almost gave him my address because we were supposed to go out) and he stalked and harassed me for an entire month and put my number on Craigslist (I was getting hundreds of calls and texts every day to the point my phone stopped working).
Men are crazy.
I had one throw a water bottle at me for ignoring him as I walked down the street. I was 6 months pregnant with my daughter on my way to a doctors appointment. The bottle missed me.
He’s lucky I was pregnant. I pulled my box cutter out on a dude one night on the train when I used to work nights a few years back. I scare myself sometimes because I’m gonna kill somebody one day.
I always carry my knife with me just because dudes love to act stupid so I’m prepared to cut they ass accordingly 🙂
Omg where can I get a pocket knife?
Amazon! They have these knifes disguised as keys.
I got this on amazon. Closes up and looks like a leaf. Sits right on my key chain.
WomenOnGuard.com also has a selection, many of which you can find on Amazon – but should you find yourself spending $50 on self defense weapons, WomenOnGuard.com offers free pepper spray & free shipping (as of March 14, 2018 – in case that offer ends at some point)
As someone with limited strength and physical mobility, but who can press a button pretty easily, I recommend personal keychain alarms that are set to make a VERY loud noise (140db–about the same noise level as a chainsaw). They’re about $8 a piece usually, but you can buy 3 for 16 and split them among your family and friends. If it doesn’t startle and deter the harasser/attacker, it’ll definitely get someone’s attention.
I usually end up taking most my classes in evening so I can go straight to work after. For a year or so I never carried anything with me. When the security guard at my job found out he was livid. He went and got me mace and a little pocket knife.
Within the last year I’ve had a guy follow me in the parking garage when ain’t no other cars there.
I’ve had guys waiting outside my job and no one is there to walk me to my car at 3am.
Strap up ladies cause these men do note care how scary they are, they don’t care that they intimidate you into talking to you.
But also ladies RESEARCH THE LAWS OF YOUR STATE/CITY, cause some of the things you buy may get you arrested & possibly charged; even in self defence. For example: It’s illegal in NY state to carry and use a taser or possess a knife longer than a certain length. This is also very important, shitty to find out but important.
The part of this I don’t like is “they will most likely move on to an easier target.” Like I’m supposed to feel fine about someone else with a less sturdy door getting ripped off?
Change your neighbor’s screws too
Channel your inner dad
Chage everyone’s screws
Mythbusters did this but not exactly on purpose, they put together a door to test how to kick it down and didn’t have the right sized screws so they used the longer ones and even Jamie running at speed had trouble breaking the door with the longer screws
Not only will longer screws keep you safer, they also prevent your door from sagging over time, which leads to scraping or your door not closing properly.
✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽
make sure you install longer screws on the hinges too. contractors often cut corners by using whatever they have lying around and s door can be kicked off from the hinge side too. this is especially important with older homes and apartments. depending on the maintenance standards (if there are any), a door that has been repaired or replaced could have mismatched screws.
I accidentally created the most soothing drink in the world after trying to recreate the hot honey drink in Ponyo! I guarantee it will remove all stress and troubles, I’ve had like 3 today because it makes me so happy