Sam: *walking about like a cat in booties* oh no… Oh no…
Frodo: *stands up* *immediately falls down*
Merry: you just spend all your time with your feet in… jail? In foot jail?? This is the worst
Pippin: *stomping about* haha Merry look, I’m a human! Get out of my way! I’m in a hurry! Where’s my horse? My name’s Boromir- *trips over laces and goes down hard* ow
Pippin: Merry help I’m stuck Merry *wrenching at shoes* STOP LAUGHING i’M A TOOK WE HAVE WIDE FEET
Merry: why are there so many laces this is so over-complicated
Frodo: *frantically kicking off shoes* nope nope nope nope nope
Gimli: Sam just walk normally
Sam: I don’t know where my feet are!
Gimli: they’re at the ends of your legs lad!
Sam: Mister Frodo help
& while all this is happening literally every other member of the Fellowship losing their gotdamn shit at the sight of a bunch of grown men (+Pippin) unable to figure out how shoes work
Frodo: alright I’m going to try again *stands up* *WHAM* oww
Aragorn: *sobering up* Okay Frodo seriously take those off before you really hurt yourself
~later~
Pippin: I suddenly have a new respect for all you shoe-wearing folks
Boromir: Pippin no offence but that is literally one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard anyone say
Okay I just finished reading Two Towers so you know what that means: time for me to drink a whole bottle of wine and liveblog the movie. If you’re not in the market for three hours of my drunk and idiotic commentary clogging your dashboard, now’s the time block this tag.
Was the first like five minutes of this movie provided by the New Zealand Tourism Board?
Boromir’s dramatic slow motion double-take is the best part of this flashback
Shoutout to Sean Astin for being the only actor in this franchise who doesn’t feel compelled to roll his Rs like he’s in a Dos Equis commercial every time he says the word “Mordor”
I should have started a running tally of how many times Frodo falls on his ass at the beginning of Fellowship
Is it just me or does Gimli have a pot leaf on the crest of his helmet?
THEY’RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD 🎶 TO ISENGARD 🎶 TO ISENGARD!!!
I’m sorry but Éomer has the sexiest armor? Like Karl Urban on a horse in red leather was the best thing that ever happened to teenage me
Gotta love how Treebeard just strides around for half the movie double-fisting hobbits like a frat star with a couple of Solo cups
Of course Gimli’s first instinct when he finds a mysterious sticky black substance on a leaf is to PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH, Jesus Gimli you’re like a toddler I swear to Numenor
Shadowfax’s majestic slo-mo entrance is basically Baywatch but with a horse
Why is Théoden such a dick in the movies? Like did the writers go “What with Orthanc and Barad-dûr there’s really not enough conflict or anything so let’s just make Théoden kind of an asshole”
The bizarre Sam-Frodo-Sméagol-Gollum love quadrangle is a hell of a lot funnier if instead of Gollum you just imagine Andy Serkis in a beige unitard
Did I ever tell you guys about that time my brother had a bunch of friends sleep over and my mom asked me to go wake them up in the morning but didn’t specify how so what I did was go down in the basement and blast that scene where the orcs all start howling and shrieking and banging their weapons on the ground outside Helm’s Deep through the surround sound system? Let me just tell you, if you’ve never watched five teenage boys who think they’re really cool literally fall out of bed in their boxers screaming in terror, it’s a memory you’ll cherish forever
Okay for some reason they also made Faramir approximately 100x more of a dickbiscuit than he is in the books, like in the books when Frodo finally admits he has the ring Faramir’s just like “Dude you literally couldn’t pay me to take that off your hands”
Ah yes, Lord of the Rings Part II, also known as Really Dramatic Shots of Viggo Mortensen Being Dirty, Riding Horses, and Opening Doors
If you really want to have a laugh, find that scene where Théoden’s bragging about his Hornberg and just watch Orlando Bloom’s face in the background because the eyebrow game is STRONG
but like… what if all the names in lotr were normal names…. what if aragorn was called george instead. what if frodo was donald. why is this so funny to me
#Larry what do your elf eyes see
#ben son of terrance
Sam, Cam, Jim, Tim, Danny, Manny, Josh, Joe, Jack, Terry, Jerry, Harry, and the leader of our company, Chad.
willowfoot 